Finding Your Way Back to Yourself

Life does not always ask for permission before it can instantly change our capacity. Comfortable and “normal” weeks of productivity can sometimes become a lost friend when we encounter unexpected change and transition. A loss of a loved one, a season or period of caregiving, a job change, or period of uncertainty can all interrupt our productivity rhythm along with rattling our own self trust and confidence. When our internal rhythm is disrupted, we can feel disoriented, take it out on ourselves, and get lost with how to return to some form of feeling useful. 

Last month, I wrote about how life transitions can change your capacity and this month, I’m writing about what comes next: how to begin to find your way back to yourself. Not by forcing yourself to return to your old pace, and not by pretending nothing happened, but by gently re-entering your work, your goals, and your sense of self with honesty and care. 

You are not behind. You are re-emerging. 

A few short weeks ago, our family lost my father. During these weeks after his death and prior to his passing, I found myself in a fog, not really understanding why I couldn’t focus and simply having no desire, really, to drum up my daily To Do list, or call on customers. Instead, I mustered through feelings of being instantly irrelevant. Instead, thoughts raced through my mind while simultaneously dealing with grief: I haven’t read my thought leader newsletters in weeks. I haven’t kept up with my professional association’s events or emails. I’m missing out. I’m missing everything. My distraction equated to fear that somehow, in the three or so weeks of tending to both my own and my family’s emotions and needs, that I completely lost my way in being relevant. After all, I presumed, if I couldn’t figure out how to navigate this loss, how could I possibly be of help to others or move my business forward? This fear of falling behind felt totally consuming.

One of the hardest parts of coming back after a period of caretaking, loss, or unplanned transitions is remembering that you haven’t fallen behind. You’re re-emerging. You’re re-entering the world as a slightly different person than you were before this transition took place. Take a moment to tell yourself that it is OK to need time to adapt and build stability around this new version of your situation. You need time to process and to simply take care of yourself, right now, today.

Start small

When I did get back to my desk, I purposefully kept my activities light and friendly. My initial instinct typically is to want to run into a whole new approach or revamp what’s been working because what’s been working isn’t working fast enough. But easing into activities that feel small allowed me to build my confidence and regain my focus. 

When you’re trying to regain momentum, the temptation can be to make a huge new plan. Instead, try and pick a small list of things that feel secure and comfortable. Perhaps it’s reaching out to your warm connections, revamping a small portion of your job search materials like a cover letter (not tackling the entire resume!), or reading one of your subscribed newsletters or thought leader blogs. Pick one or two things each day that feel comfortable and secure. Here are some small tasks that can ease back into productivity: 

• Send one email to a friendly, warm contact

• Make one edit to your LinkedIn profile or resume, if you’re in a job search

• Write down one to three things that still feel true to you and your work 

• Take one shorter walk and think

Small steps are how momentum returns. 

Start safe

When life has knocked you off balance, it may not be the best time to begin with the most exposed, intimidating, or high-pressure task. Instead, think about starting with what feels “safe enough.” That might mean reaching out to someone who already knows and respects you. It may mean returning to a familiar tool, a trusted routine, or a task where you feel competent. It may mean taking a call with someone who helps you hear yourself clearly. 

In career work, “safe” could look like updating one section of your resume before tackling the whole document. It could mean practicing your story with a trusted friend before saying it aloud in an upcoming interview. 

Starting safe is not avoidance. It’s a way to securely rebuild trust with yourself. 

Return to what feels true 

When we’re in a transition, it can feel like we need to reinvent everything. Sometimes, the way forward isn’t reinvention, it’s slowing down and returning to what has always been true. Instead of drumming up a whole new venture or way to “get back at it,” think about: 

• What hobbies or quiet reflection brings me back to myself?

• What work feels genuine and unique to me? 

• What do people come to me for?

• What brings me back to myself? 

Remember: You’re still valuable

Even if everything feels in an upheaval, the core of who you are does not disappear because your capacity has shifted. Your strengths are still within you. Your perspective is unique, and is yours, and is valuable. Your ability to contribute is still present. The path back to productivity often begins by remembering that. 

Trust in yourself and trust that your momentum will return. When you’re in the midst of a life transition, believing in yourself can feel impossible. Trust that your momentum will return and “normal” days of juggling tasks, calls, emails, and clients will begin to surface once again. Try and slow down purposefully knowing that you need time to regain your footing and stability. Life, and you, will return to normal. Meanwhile, reach out. I’d be happy to connect and listen to your story.